You are Not Alone

 

Believe me, you are not alone if you think you are the only one who is in a relationship with a narcissist.  Here is a good way to tell if you are.  A good way to remember:

 

SPECIAL ME 

1. Sense of self-importance
2. Preoccupation with power, beauty or success 
3. Entitled
4. Can only be around people who are important or special
5. Interpersonally exploitative for their own gain
6. Arrogant
7. Lack empathy
8. Must be admired
9. Envious of others or believe that others are envious of them

 

My so-called boyfriend, Bob, was was just about everyone of them, especially #1, 4 and 8.  He always had to be one step ahead of the Joneses.  He had to be the first on the block to have the newest iPhone, the best car.  And he would brag, especially to his family how he had the money to buy all this, even if he really didn't.  If a friend or family member bought something, he always had to one-up them.  We had no friends on his side except the people that he worked with, who were in the same or higher positions than him.  We never did anything with anyone.  Whenever we went out anywhere, it was always just the 2 of us.  Oh yes, and #6?  He was very arrogant and let people know what he had and generally how much he paid for it.  He actually thought that was going to get people to "like" him more.  When actually all it did was turn them off because of his bragging.

 

Oh yes, and has this ever happened to you?  When you are out in public with your spouse or significant other, they treat you with the utmost respect and dignity.  You can do nothing wrong.  But the minute you get back home, you can do nothing right.  Everyone in the outside world thinks you have the most wonderful guy or gal in the world, when in fact, you are crying on the inside for help.  And how dare you say anything.  No one is going to believe you anyway. 

 

On the previous page, after Bob bilked me out of almost $40K for all the house remodeling, and didn't pay a penny himself, a few months later, he ended up selling the house for double what he paid for it.  I never saw a penny from him.  When I asked him about paying me back some of the money that he swindled out of me, he had a hundred excuses.  He moved to another city and bought a house, paid cash for it and had money left over.  Eventually he sold that house for almost double, bought a truck and camper, traveled in that until he passed away from his cancer.  He left all of his money, everything to one of his former co-workers at his job in SoCal.  After some phone calls, his co-worker did give me back $15K from the estate, only about a third of the money I stuck into that house, but it was better than nothing.  I think his co-worker had an idea of what I went through and knew that I should get some of my money back.

 

If you are in a situation like this, please don't try to handle it alone.  Seek help via a friend, family member or even counseling.  There are some good programs out there.  Generally, the narcissist themselves will not seek counseling because they feel they do not have a problem.  They feel that you are the problem, not them.  But as long as you continue to back down, they will not.  It's hard to get out, I know it.  I've been there.  But it's definitely worth it in the end. 

 

If you have any questions or just need to talk, please don't hesitate to email me:   debkozel55@gmail.com